Advice from Interviews
Survey participants from http://www.30reasons.com/ were asked “What advice would you give to a young 20-something that was considering marriage?” To demonstrate we would like to share a few comments here.
Female, 39, CA
“I never wanted to get married before. My mother married late (29 - which was ancient in the 60's) and I never really thought I would marry young. I only had one other relationship that might've ended in marriage, my college boyfriend, and had it, I would be divorced today. Also I made some huge personal shifts around the ages of 27 and 28, after lots of soul searching and work to understand who I was and what was important to me. I definitely believe that our love was realized partially as a result of me really being true to myself. I don't think it would have happened the way it did had I not made those changes in my life.”
Female, 45, MA“People change in both subtle and dramatic ways--they want experiment and adventure--what you think you want @ 20 can be very different by the time you are 30--for instance, you think you don't want children, and you change your mind. Or you think you want children, you have them, then your partner decides the responsibility is too great. There are many, many variables that come up during your 20's and that decade is a great validator for the next decades of life.”
Male, 30, CA
“Only want to do it once and I have way too many friends who have tried to do it at a younger age and are already having marital problems. I believe people (men in particular) are really not ready to settle down until they hit their 30's. Especially now, there is so much more for men AND women to accomplish before getting married and having a family. What you want now is not what you will want when you are 30. You have not experienced enough life yet on your own to commit to that. You have to wake up to him/her for the rest of your life. His/her personal problems/issues now become YOUR problems. The world has gotten a lot smaller with travel these days, go see it.”
What advice would you give a young 20-something that was considering marriage?
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I really don't see any reason a man should ever get married. Everything you get in marriage you can get outside of it and with the law so one sided in divorce a man tends to lose half of his income and assets if it goes bad. Over 50% of all marriages go bad, so that is a horrid 'investment'. I was married and we remain friends, but even as friends I still had to pay her half of everything to leave and she didn't work the entire time we were married. It makes no sense now days, except for women that have no ambition or want to control what a man does.
ReplyDeleteAND in California a man has to pay vaginamony to a woman for LIFE or until she re-marries if he was married to her over 10 years... FOR WHAT? It's crazy and very risky financially.
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