book summary

30 Reasons NOT to Marry before 30, written by male and female co-authors, endorses the growing trend and benefits of delaying marriage. It gives women 30 reasons to disavow the mounting pressure they feel about finding a marriage partner as they approach and turn 30. These 30 reasons provide practical advice, a humorous set of examples and insights from participants aged 21-71.

Introduction
This book is in no way against marriage. It is rather an opportunity to encourage those in their twenties to reach maturity before making “the big decision” and to advise the never married women in their thirties that they are the “smart ones” (despite the media’s portrayal). We tell the real stories of those that took the plunge too soon, and those that wish to share sacred keys that open the doors to a ‘successful’ marriage.

We’ve both spent a good deal of time in the self help section of the book store. We are consistently amazed at how much literature is devoted to helping a woman achieve success at what is supposed to be her ultimate goal: the altar. Marriage is all fine and well, but wait. Give yourself time. My god, you’re young, energetic, full of unfulfilled dreams, probably pretty well educated, and you want to close all of those open doors by signing a contract that commits you to someone else when you don’t even have your own life figured out?

Society Frowns but Trends Talk
At the beginning of the 20th century, the average U.S. life expectancy was at most in the mid 50s. Couples married young because there was a much narrower window in which to raise a family. By the time most children were grown, their parents were either sick or dead. Medical technology and guides to healthier living have changed that. You’re going to live a long, full life so don’t squander those extra years that dieticians, yoga, spas, and vaccines have given you by rushing to the altar: use your youth to explore, laugh, cry, travel, meet new people, pursue a career, or just plain old be who you want to be; off the clock, no strings attached; even a little irresponsible. In other words, indulge yourself at an age in your life when that is about all you’re really emotionally capable of. Don’t worry; the responsibilities, the contract obligations, the sacrifices . . . they’ll come (all too quickly), but before they do—get to know yourself; you might like what you find.

Better Odds in Vegas
So, what do you think your chances are of a lasting marriage if you wed at age 25? Well, 4 out of every 10 of you will divorce। That’s a pretty high risk factor. But, (and here’s the kicker) for every 5 years a woman waited to marry after the age of 26, the divorce rate dropped 50%! To put that in perspective, if you married between the ages of 35-39 your chances of a marriage ending in divorce decreased to 5%, or there’s a 95% chance your marriage will last. While the median marriage age has increased from 21 in 1960 to 26 in 2007, we still have a long way to go.

But, I Want To Have Babies
Fine, great… just don’t rush it! There’s really no need. For example, if you marry at 35, and your marriage is successful, you get to spend about 50 years with your spouse – that’s a heck of a long time! After a couple of years together, both of you are perfectly capable physiologically to begin raising a family. All studies which address this agree that babies born to 35-39 year old women come out just as happy and healthy as those born to younger age-groups. The studies, specifically the Apgar scores (method to quickly assess the health of newborn children), are practically screaming at you to enjoy your 20s while they’re there, because once they’re gone…well, you know the rest. The older the mother (even into her early 40s), the more mature she is psychologically and emotionally. She’s dealt with problems on her own, made decisions on her own, established a profession, developed a healthy self-awareness, learned to avoid the assholes of the world, and is surely more prepared to deal with the infinite myriad of tribulations about to descend upon her when she begins raising a child (children).