Why Are More Men Waiting to Marry? Answers from a Recent Rutgers Report

A recent article from ABC news summarizes a Rutgers University study analyzing why men are less eager to marry...

Excerpts from the article:
“Men don't need to get married to get what they want these days -mainly sex - so they feel comfortable in putting off that long term commitment until they have a few bucks in the bank, and a mortgage to pay off.”

Sure, I think this is part of it, but I think the sense of independence is a bigger driver for most men. Most boys don’t become “men” until well after their thirtieth birthday.

More from the Rutgers Report…
The researchers conducted eight meetings with 60 "not-yet-married" men in northern New Jersey, Chicago, Washington, D.C., and Houston. The men were ages 25 to 33, and none of them were gay. Is this a valid sample size???

Men are now waiting on average until the age of 27 to marry, compared to 25 for women, but that doesn't mean they are against marriage as an institution, according to the co-directors of the project, David Popenoe, a behavioral scientist and professor of sociology at Rutgers, and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, a marriage expert. Men, they conclude, just aren't in any hurry.

"The good news is that men who marry later may be more financially stable and emotionally mature," says Popenoe.

The participants indicated that they want a woman who is able to take care of herself, which is somewhat of a reversal from the macho old world attitudes of just a generation or two ago.

"Most of the men in these groups want to marry at some future time in their lives," the researchers conclude. "They expect their marriages to last a lifetime. Like the majority of young adults today, they are seeking a `soul mate'."

"Today's young men encounter few, if any, traditional pressures from religion, employers or society to marry," the researchers state, although they do get a bit of ribbing from parents who want grandchildren and colleagues who have already made that trip to the altar.

One area that concerns many men, according to the research, is the fear of failure. They see friends who are too willing to give up at the first sign of disharmony, and there's no question that marriage is not an easy institution to maintain.

The researchers believe marriage has a much better chance of surviving if both partners expect it to last a lifetime. Attitude at the opening gun seems to be very important.

But here's a line from the report that is worth pondering: "Men see marriage as a final step in a prolonged process of growing up." Not surprisingly, some of the guys who participated in the project are still living with their parents.