Keys to a Successful Marriage?

We've received over 350 responses from our survey participants on the "Keys to a Successful Marriage". The number one comment was, of course, communication, followed closely by love, trust, respect, loyalty, self-worth, respect, flexibility, common goals, appreciation, patience, humor, forgiveness, friendship, honesty, understanding, and... sex. Below are a few perspectives from our readers, followed by a recent Australian Study on the topic...

Female, 36, New York, Relationship

1. Continuing to take responsibility for my own personal happiness. My problems are my own to confront and resolve. I believe my husband will be there to support and encourage me, but ultimately the choices I make and the attitude I choose come from within.
2. Learning how to communicate and problem solve together. Relationships are the means by which personal issues present themselves. In a successful marriage, couples are wiling to bring up and talk about issues and problems, and put their heads together to work out a solution. The skill of learning how to talk about problems in a way that is constructive is a huge asset.
3. Being an excellent team-mate, especially when the going gets tough. In a successful marriages, spouses are each other's best cheerleader, coach, mentor, protégé, friend, partner no matter what and they take turns playing these roles.

Female, 33, Michigan, Married

1. Communication - in a way that your partner will understand. Men and women talk differently, and if I woman wants her husband to understand her needs then she needs to present them in a way that he's going to be able to grasp.
2. Giving to your partner even when you don't want to. Betterment of the relationship should be the goal.
3. Understanding that both people show their love in different ways, and finding a comprimise that will ensure both partners are happy with it.

Female, 45, San Diego, Married

1. Never keep secerts from each other.
2. Whatever happens in your bedroom is no one elses busniess but yours. That means best friends also.
3. When ever you have a disagreement with your spouse, that is between you both. When you are ready to forgeive often times your friends and family are not. Or may never forgive.

Statistics from Other Recent Research
A recent study from Australian National University, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

• It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.


• Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.


• Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.


• A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.


• Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage. ALL THE MORE REASON TO WAIT AND GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!!!!

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090714/lf_nm_life/us_couples

International Perspective: Can Entertainment Control Population Growth in India?

Health Minister of India Encourages Delayed Marriage to Control Population
I was shocked to run across this recent news post from India. This is a huge step forward for the government to encourage delayed marriage... unfortunately it's not for the right reasons...

Does the Mass Media Portray Thirty-Something Men & Women Differently?

We've received over 350 in-depth stories from men and women on the topic of marriage. One question that has seemed to draw unanimous response is: "Do you feel the mass media portrays the 30 something male differently than the 30 something female?” I felt this woman's response was particularly insightful…

Female, 34, New York City
"Absolutely. The media portrays 30 something (single) females in a negative light. If a 30 something single woman expresses a desire to be married and have children, she is labeled as "desperate" and as though there is something wrong with expressing this desire. On the other hand if the same woman expresses contentment with remaining unmarried and without children, she is viewed as cold, picky, unfeminine, self centered, wanting to put her career ahead of family, selfish, etc. The media portrays 30 something single women as being unattractive and undesired by men of a similar age - and there are many articles that portray the so-called "man drought", which, I believe, attempt to create fear in such women. There is definitely a message out there that, as a woman ages, her value as a person and her "lovability" diminishes as her youth fades. There really isn't a lot of recognition that as a woman gets older, her strengths and attributes are enhanced as a result of life experience. The underlying message is that if a 30 something woman is single, she somehow needs to be punished or deserving of a life void of relationships. For 30 something men there is definitely a different message portrayed by the media. The media shows that men of this age group are at their peak desirability and attractiveness. Their personal and career achievements are celebrated and recognized. Movies and tv will frequently portray the older, experienced male with the young and naive female. Also, if a 30 something male expresses a desire to get married and have a family, the media positively reinforces his desire to "settle down". If a 30 something male suggests he is averse to marriage and kids, the message is inevitably that his decision has been influenced from meeting women who have unrealistically high standards of men. When I approached my 30s, I found myself thinking more about being married and having a family, and the desire for my life to be more than just about me. Women are careers and nurturers by design, and I think this is a common stage of thinking for women to go through, particularly those who are single as they approach their 30s. The fact that the media tends to poo-poo this desire, is very saddening - women are being actively discouraged by the media from expressing their innate desires."