The Girl Effect

Every day I ask myself - what can I do to help change the atrocities in the world? Can one person really make a difference? The immediate solution for me is to use my network to create awareness (which I try to work on a little every day). One of the solutions I strongly believe in is microcredit, which led me to this awesome video!



As the Interface Foundation looks to help high impact foundations eliminate gender disparity in primary and secondary education by 2009 and in all levels of education no later than 2015 this video shows the powerful social and economic change brought about when girls have the opportunity to participate in their society.

93% of Divorced Couples Cite Financial Issues as the Primary Catalyst

We all know that marital fights often revolve around money and kids, but I didn't realize how much of an issue this was until my friend, Jackie Weitzberg of Guide My Finances, quoted the stats.

So I invited Jackie to guest blog on this topic. Below is her advice on waiting to wed, as it relates to financial planning. Learn more about her at http://www.guidemyfinances.com/.

"When the topic of marriage and finance comes up, we are often told that problems relating to finance are the leading cause of divorce. In a study conducted in 2003 by the US census bureau, 93% of recently divorced couples sited finances were the primary or secondary reason for conflict in their marriage. With the recent decline in the stock market, and financial troubles on the rise, this is becoming even more of an issue for couples of all ages.

Now aware of these statistics, what can we do to prevent ourselves from becoming one of these casualties? The answer: You have to build a strong financial foundation before jumping into marriage. One of the keys to success: Wait until your late 20s or early 30s to take the plunge!

In order to get your finances in order, I recommend following a few simple steps.

1.) Build Up An Emergency Savings Account – In past years, you may have heard that you should have about three to six months fixed expenses in your savings account. The need for this account has grown significantly over the last year. Moving forward, I recommend having six to nine months worth of fixed expenses in a money market, savings, or liquid account. A great place to set this account up is www.orangeaccount.com

2.) Get Rid of Your Credit Card Debt – When you get married, your spouse could be ultimately responsible for your credit card debt. This can put quite a bit of stress on your marriage. In order to avoid this, make a point to pay off your credit card debt prior to the big day. If you cannot afford to pay down your debt, you also cannot afford a wedding, mortgage or babies.

3.) Develop a list of Financial Goals- While most couples don’t think about it, it is very important to sit down with a significant other to determine what your joint as well as individual goals are. You may find that you have the same goals, or that you are heading in two completely different financial directions. Which ever category you fit into, understanding each other’s priorities prior to marriage will help you avoid later confrontation.

4.) Ask Questions – How much can your significant other contribute on a monthly basis to bills? Are you going to keep savings and investments separate, or merge them? How much debt/savings do they have? If this seems like an uncomfortable conversation, wait until you are comfortable talking about it before getting married. Without resolving simple questions like these, a far more uncomfortable conversation will likely arise in the future!

Discussing your finances with your partner is one of the single most important steps you should take before marriage. In addition, you should be aware that your finances can change in an instant, especially without proper planning. Simple steps like these can give you the assurance that you are not only emotionally ready for marriage, but you are financially ready too."

For more financial tips like these, visit www.guidemyfinances.com/blog.

More Evangelicals Promoting Young Marriage

Christianity Today ran a cover story this month titled “The Case for Early Marriage". Sociologist Mark Regnerus argues that while abstinence is the only acceptable option for young people, it is creating a dilemma when coupled with the fact that people are waiting longer to get married. The article's solution... young people should just get married at an earlier age. BRILLIANT!

Glamor Magazine also recently posted a blog on this topic - At What Age Do You Want to Get Married? This topic is central to the pressure that women feel as they approach and turn 3o. Marriage age is this magical number that we carried around in our mind as children... The author notes, "When I was younger, I always assumed I'd get hitched at 29. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it's because that's how old my mom was when she married my dad. (He, by the way, was 27). In my young adult brain, 29 just seemed to be that age when you were supposed to have your sh*t together. Of course, in the past few years, I've had friends tie the knot at 22 and others wait until they were in their 30s. Most of my friends in the Midwest (where I'm from), it seems tend to walk down the aisle on the early side, while many of my NYC friends are happily approaching my magic marriage age 100-percent single."

My experience has been that even women in Southern California feel this pressure when they hit the three decade mark. I can't imagine what it's like in a small town in Nebraska!

One readers comment...
"I live in the south, and needless to say, at 22, all of my friends are married/engaged. I'm starting to feel the pressure, and my love life is non-existent! I want more than anything to be married, and I'm so scared that its never going to happen. All of my (married) friends are like, "Oh, don't worry, of course it will!" But they have no idea what its like. Jokingly, Ive always said if I'm not married in 10-15 years, (LOL) I am taking my father (who is a priest) and my Best Friend, finding a wedding dress and a bridesmaids dress for her, and going to New York to find me a husband! I can imagine us going down the streets, my dad with his bible and rings in hand, and my friend and I pleading with random strangers. LOL"

Well, that's one solution!

MTV's Engaged & Underage

As my friends know, I don't watch TV. There are many reasons for this, one of which is the fact that 99% of it crap.
Case in point... MTV's show, Engaged and Underage. Why are we enamored with the drama of others? This is a sad state of affairs...

Need I say more?

Ready for more misery? MTV lets you watch full episodes at
http://www.mtv.com/shows/engaged_and_underage/video.jhtml?filter=fulleps

Keys to a Successful Marriage?

We've received over 350 responses from our survey participants on the "Keys to a Successful Marriage". The number one comment was, of course, communication, followed closely by love, trust, respect, loyalty, self-worth, respect, flexibility, common goals, appreciation, patience, humor, forgiveness, friendship, honesty, understanding, and... sex. Below are a few perspectives from our readers, followed by a recent Australian Study on the topic...

Female, 36, New York, Relationship

1. Continuing to take responsibility for my own personal happiness. My problems are my own to confront and resolve. I believe my husband will be there to support and encourage me, but ultimately the choices I make and the attitude I choose come from within.
2. Learning how to communicate and problem solve together. Relationships are the means by which personal issues present themselves. In a successful marriage, couples are wiling to bring up and talk about issues and problems, and put their heads together to work out a solution. The skill of learning how to talk about problems in a way that is constructive is a huge asset.
3. Being an excellent team-mate, especially when the going gets tough. In a successful marriages, spouses are each other's best cheerleader, coach, mentor, protégé, friend, partner no matter what and they take turns playing these roles.

Female, 33, Michigan, Married

1. Communication - in a way that your partner will understand. Men and women talk differently, and if I woman wants her husband to understand her needs then she needs to present them in a way that he's going to be able to grasp.
2. Giving to your partner even when you don't want to. Betterment of the relationship should be the goal.
3. Understanding that both people show their love in different ways, and finding a comprimise that will ensure both partners are happy with it.

Female, 45, San Diego, Married

1. Never keep secerts from each other.
2. Whatever happens in your bedroom is no one elses busniess but yours. That means best friends also.
3. When ever you have a disagreement with your spouse, that is between you both. When you are ready to forgeive often times your friends and family are not. Or may never forgive.

Statistics from Other Recent Research
A recent study from Australian National University, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

• It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.


• Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.


• Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.


• A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.


• Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage. ALL THE MORE REASON TO WAIT AND GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME!!!!

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090714/lf_nm_life/us_couples

International Perspective: Can Entertainment Control Population Growth in India?

Health Minister of India Encourages Delayed Marriage to Control Population
I was shocked to run across this recent news post from India. This is a huge step forward for the government to encourage delayed marriage... unfortunately it's not for the right reasons...

Does the Mass Media Portray Thirty-Something Men & Women Differently?

We've received over 350 in-depth stories from men and women on the topic of marriage. One question that has seemed to draw unanimous response is: "Do you feel the mass media portrays the 30 something male differently than the 30 something female?” I felt this woman's response was particularly insightful…

Female, 34, New York City
"Absolutely. The media portrays 30 something (single) females in a negative light. If a 30 something single woman expresses a desire to be married and have children, she is labeled as "desperate" and as though there is something wrong with expressing this desire. On the other hand if the same woman expresses contentment with remaining unmarried and without children, she is viewed as cold, picky, unfeminine, self centered, wanting to put her career ahead of family, selfish, etc. The media portrays 30 something single women as being unattractive and undesired by men of a similar age - and there are many articles that portray the so-called "man drought", which, I believe, attempt to create fear in such women. There is definitely a message out there that, as a woman ages, her value as a person and her "lovability" diminishes as her youth fades. There really isn't a lot of recognition that as a woman gets older, her strengths and attributes are enhanced as a result of life experience. The underlying message is that if a 30 something woman is single, she somehow needs to be punished or deserving of a life void of relationships. For 30 something men there is definitely a different message portrayed by the media. The media shows that men of this age group are at their peak desirability and attractiveness. Their personal and career achievements are celebrated and recognized. Movies and tv will frequently portray the older, experienced male with the young and naive female. Also, if a 30 something male expresses a desire to get married and have a family, the media positively reinforces his desire to "settle down". If a 30 something male suggests he is averse to marriage and kids, the message is inevitably that his decision has been influenced from meeting women who have unrealistically high standards of men. When I approached my 30s, I found myself thinking more about being married and having a family, and the desire for my life to be more than just about me. Women are careers and nurturers by design, and I think this is a common stage of thinking for women to go through, particularly those who are single as they approach their 30s. The fact that the media tends to poo-poo this desire, is very saddening - women are being actively discouraged by the media from expressing their innate desires."

How Far We've Come... 1950's Movie: Are You Ready for Marriage?

I started searching for articles and tests that discuss one's readiness for marriage and ran across this movie from 1950. Love the the Cupid Checklist... oh, when life was so simple. ;-)



Part one - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkLBhNblBas
Part two - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fy098SgEKpQ

Intention, Regret & Worry

I was sitting with two of my best girlfriends the other day, listening to their relationship perils, when one girlfriend said, “I think my problem is I don’t know what I want.” I immediately jumped in with my new age INTENTION speech, “Well you’ll never manifest what you want if you don’t have intention.” And again she repeated, “But I don’t know what kind of guy I’m looking for. I’m all over the map.” She proceeded, “Maybe I just need to date a ton of guys and figure it out”. I retorted, “Perhaps a better idea is to figure out who YOU REALLY ARE before approaching any more relationships”.

And then I thought about myself… I’m so great at dishing good advice but am challenged to heed it. I THINK I know who I am and what I want, to the point that I have my 1, 5, and 20 year goals, along with my Mr. Right list, but do I really? I went from a 10 year relationship to another long-term relationship with 4 whole weeks between!

In my defense I do believe I’ve finally grown into the person I’ve aspired to be and am secure in who I am and what I want. Thus I’m justified, right?

But aren’t we constantly changing? Well yes and no. Of course we evolve into, hopefully, more enlightened beings as we age, but does this change the fundamentals of what we’re looking for? Again, yes and no. I think it’s only now that I have a much better glimpse of what I really want out of a relationship, mate, and eventually (hopefully) a life partner. And it was only into my early 30’s that I really began to figure this out. Is this due to my age or the fact that I’ve had the luxury of marriage and divorce?

I call it a luxury because I got away relatively unscathed. And in the end, in hindsight, it was an incredible learning experience. I wouldn’t change it for the world, which is fortunate because even if I wanted to I can’t!

That’s the funny thing about life... we are constantly trying to control things WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER!

First off... you have REGRET --- I too fall prey to this ridiculous concept much more than I would like to admit. What is the point of regret? You can’t change what’s done. So why dwell on it? Why live in the past? The point is to learn and move on from the mistakes we made, right?
But let me take it one step further. We are the ones, perhaps based on societal standards, that LABEL things a MISTAKE.

What if there were no mistakes? What if there only actions. What if we followed the wisdom of Chopra and so many others and took a PAUSE between ACTION and REACTION. What if we didn’t pull our reaction from our behavioral paradigm? What if we didn’t label things as good and bad? What if we just watched or observed and let things pass without judgment? Seems almost impossible, but there has got to be a way!

Another amusing one is WORRY or STRESS. One of my favorite age old adages is, “Don’t worry about the things you DON’T control… because you don’t control them. And don’t worry about the things you DO control… because you control them.” Again, I recognize that a little stress moves us to action when in a situation of danger, but 99.9% of the stress or worry the average person feels on a daily basis is totally UNNESSARY!

Thoughtful Conclusions About Commitment - From Daily Om

Daily Om is one of favorite publications - their thoughtful wisdom gives me perspective on 'everyday' life. My good friend Vanessa sent this to me the other day and thought it would be perfect to share with others...

Thoughtful Conclusions About Commitment: Deciding Whether To Marry

Though we may make many commitments throughout our time on earth, few have a lifelong impact on the path our lives will take. The decision to marry someone you love—to bond yourself to them completely—is unlike any other and can reshape your existence. When two people have similar goals, values, and needs, marriage can result in a lifetime partnership of love and respect, shared laughter and tears, friendship, and intimacy that is ultimately fulfilling. Love is often cited as the sole prerequisite of a strong and stable married life. However, the decision to get married should be made with the mind and the soul as well as with the heart. Carefully considering whether you truly want to get married, both individually and as a couple, can ensure that if you do choose to marry, your relationship can grow to unimaginable depths.

The decision-making process you employ to determine whether you should marry should be a thoughtful and honest one in which you appraise not only your partner but also yourself. Consider that love and attraction do not guarantee long-term compatibility. If your relationship is not secure, marriage will not make it so. Likewise, if your partner is not as attentive, loving, or kind as you would like, your becoming spouses will not change that. Marriage has no power to permanently fill any emotional or spiritual gaps in your life. Before you choose to marry, ask yourself whether you and your partner are adept at resolving conflict, can speak openly to one another, and fully respect one another. Your attitudes regarding the nature of marital commitment, children and child rearing, and marital roles may be the same or they may differ. It is your shared responsibility to discuss your similarities and come to agreements regarding your differences that will predict how successful yo!
ur future marriage will be. Often times, younger couples rush into marriage just for the wedding dress, the ring, the party, and honeymoon. Would you still be willing to be married if you couldn’t have these things?

Remember that planning a wedding is simple when compared to the intricacies of nurturing a marriage. The honeymoon and nesting period will eventually wear off, and what you are left with is a partner for life. When you work together with your partner, reassure and support one another, and are honest about your feelings regarding marriage, you’ll come to the right decision.

http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2009/18644.html